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Re: Quoatable LeMons

Caught this one over the weekend:  "We'll use better duct tape tomorrow."

--Rob Leone Schumacher Taxi Service
We won the IOE at Southern Discomfort.
We got screwed at The Real Hoopties of New Jersey  and we took cars down with us.
We got the curse at Capitol Offense but they wouldn't let us destroy the car.

Re: Quoatable LeMons

RobL wrote:

Caught this one over the weekend:  "We'll use better duct tape tomorrow."

I think I have used the phrase, "Randy, can you grab some of the REALLY good duct tape"...as if there were more than 3 grades...oh, wait..never mind.

Re: Quoatable LeMons

Overheard a female staff member in LeMons HQ at Sonoma this weekend. When asked if the air fresheners in the "free crap" bin smelled OK, her reply was, "No, they smell like date rape".

Re: Quoatable LeMons

Conversation over possible LeMons Car, Acura TL, as the oil dipstick is removed bone dry.

Buyer: "Hey, you know this engine doesn't have any oil in it"

Seller: "That's an easy fix."

Buyer: "You are right, put some in before the next person looks at this car."

Judge's Choice - 2015 PNW - Most Heroic Fix - 2014 PNW 
Jagvair - fast and squishy - 1960 Corvair w/ 1993 Jaguar XJ6 moving bits
Transcontinental Drifters Facebook Page
Don't step on your dick.

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Re: Quoatable LeMons

Judge Mary this weekend to a driver; Get out of the car because you apparently have run out of talent.

It Ain't My Fault

Re: Quoatable LeMons

In the middle of an engine swap at MSR:

"Hey, wanna hear something funny?"

"Ha-ha funny or oh-no funny?"

"...Mopar funny."

Command Pilot/Flight Director, Escape Velocity Racing
Index of Effluency, Heroic Fix, Class C Trophy, now hopelessly gunning for Class B.
Currently 1-2 vs. Team Fairlylame in the Class of 1964 Championships

Re: Quoatable LeMons

SpaceFrank wrote:

In the middle of an engine swap at MSR:

"Hey, wanna hear something funny?"

"Ha-ha funny or oh-no funny?"

"...Mopar funny."

...and this makes perfect sense to some of us.

"He attacked everything in life with a mixture of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which."   -Adams, Douglas.   The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

14x loser @ Gingerman, Autobahn, Summit Point, New Jersey, Road 'Merica, and Barber

Re: Quoatable LeMons

As I put on a picture caption:

Driver: It's twitchy, and has no grip. (this after one double-yellow warm-up lap)
Me: Great! It's working perfectly then!

Judge Mary, after I (got) spun later in the day: Sooo... It's Twitchy, and has no grip?

Re: Quoatable LeMons

This thread is gold and needs reviving. Surely after 2 years, there's been enough idiotic banter to fill a few more pages. I will commence. After a smoke-billowing wheel lock up leading into turn 13 (the Ridge Complex) that resulted in a tooth chattering vibration every time I (and anyone after me) drove down the front straight, I said to car owner and head Stooge Jay St. Claire, "I think I developed a small flatspot"

Re: Quoatable LeMons

OK...in pursuit of our first IoE in the Dustbuster our Chief Mechanic and at that time a driver coined the phrase, "Just going to Walmart" when we had to take the pace down due to running Autozone gold pads on Sunday.

Not sure which drive thought it up first but when we decided to turn down the wick a bit on the 1948 Plymouth on Sunday to ensure the IoE again by finishing black flag and mechanical issue free, someone called out over the radio "Just going to the Five-and-dime".

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Re: Quoatable LeMons

I've been collecting a few on the side, for the next edition, if it happens.

Here they are: (My favorite is the second quote.)

Arizona event. 2000 miles in the bread truck. To quote Aaron: "It's like running a lawnmower flat out in your living room while cooking a pot of diesel fuel on the stove."

Mark Audacity Romberg: "Four off shouldn't be a flag if it was only for a little while."

Bernhard 17:15 - "Preparedness is next to Godliness" (Jonathan Lepore? )

Bryan Heselbach: I seem to recall that a spinning car always has the right of way.

Rachel Jane Moulton Forster: Spoiler = race car. Two spoilers = Lemons race car.

Julian Cordle - Lemons Racing Problems: "I can't see the point-by from the driver in that Vanagon because the seat-mounted dreadlocks are all over the place and in the way."

Christopher Blizzard - At work. Lemons weekend hangover is totally a thing, people.

yukadas (at an old-time hardware store) - Me: Do you know what feels really good on these nuts? Teammate (without looking up): Don't ever say that to me again.

Jay Lamm -  Not showing up was just another way of losing.

Space Frank - Why just kill when you can overkill?

The Engineer - For the record, old coolant is delicious.

Rich Chesavage? - There will be a day when myself and an engineer who designs serpentine belt routing schemes meets in an alley. One of us will be found strangled by a cord wrapped in the least intuitive manner.

Eric Meservey? - An Air Force truism I just read, that I think also applies to Crapcan racing: 'The only time when you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'

Weston Malott - Do you ever finish a lemons race and say to yourself "damn that was fun, but I have too much money left over?"

162 (edited by Spank 2016-12-21 10:54 PM)

Re: Quoatable LeMons

Overheard at Sonoma Season Ender 2016

"Oh, so that's what we did. We put the brake fluid in the starter and the starting fluid on the brakes."

Re: Quoatable LeMons

James - "Hey you know it's overheating?"
Me - "yeah, it's been doing that all day"

I learned something about how to tell if a motor's about to go that day

(sorry Mike)

Re: Quoatable LeMons

"Is there fuel in this thing?"

Re: Quoatable LeMons

When I went 4 wheels off at Gingerman 2 years ago...Judge Phil asked me what happened.

"I was trying to pass the Imperial and  I ran out of talent!" 

Not only was that true...but it also made him laugh.

At Road America on another team one of our guys spun off the track, when asked about why he was on the grass he said "Well TECHNICALLY I was still on the tarmac!!"   because he had spun off the track but managed to slide into one of the old skip barber sections...and thus had not actually gone on the grass...the judges were not amused.

Team Sucker Punch Camaro (Tiger striped #38)

Winner Org Choice award Were the Elite Meet to Cheat 2015

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Re: Quoatable LeMons

Tiptoe the rat wrote:

When I went 4 wheels off at Gingerman 2 years ago...Judge Phil asked me what happened.
"At Road America on another team one of our guys spun off the track, when asked about why he was on the grass he said "Well TECHNICALLY I was still on the tarmac!!"   because he had spun off the track but managed to slide into one of the old skip barber sections...and thus had not actually gone on the grass...the judges were not amused.

I think I was there for that one, atleast if it was Russian who was the one penalized.  It wasn't that he spun, he actually turned onto that road for some odd reason.  The odd part was that everyone who was up by the penalty box that had been out on the track seemed to have no idea where that was since it didn't really feel part of the flow of the track, plus it hadn't been used in years so it had a bunch of weeds growing in the cracks of the tarmac.

Since that race they have repaved and started using it as a way to make 2 shorter course options though.

Racing 4 Nickels - 1989 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera
2011 SHOWROOM-SCHLOCK SHOOTOUT  IOE Winner
2012 The Chubba Cheddar Enduro Class C winner
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