• From: Los Fucking Angeles
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 1,032

Topic: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

Here's a good tip for bribing your judges.

One bottle of booze is very hard for two judges to split.

Case in point -- a team that shall remain nameless has assured yours truly that two bottles of 8-year-old Black Maple Hill are coming to Reno.

Smart kids.

"This is the scene where I get shot," Bronson said. "I have these little squibs that explode to make it look like bullets are hitting." "Fascinating," said Bergman. "I never knew how they did that." "You mean," asked Bronson, "you don't use machine guns in your movies?"
  • From: Traverse City, MI
  • Registered: 2009-05-01
  • Posts: 8

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

We just received a case of this

http://www.valentinevodka.com/innerindex.php?link=buy

from our sponsors.  It's very good.

http://www.total-lossracing.com/

Rory Carroll's Website

  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 12

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

Jonny will love a case of chick and dude vodka branded T-shirts!

  • From: Los Fucking Angeles
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 1,032

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

Judge Jonny would ACTUALLY love larger pictures of that young lady  show off her modeling skills.

"This is the scene where I get shot," Bronson said. "I have these little squibs that explode to make it look like bullets are hitting." "Fascinating," said Bergman. "I never knew how they did that." "You mean," asked Bronson, "you don't use machine guns in your movies?"
  • From: Lost Angeles
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 188

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

We're jumping on the bribe bandwagon. So instead of drinking the judges' bribes, we'll contribute liberally this time around. I have tasked our mystery fifth driver with procuring enough alcoholic bribes to make sure Jonny and Phil are legless and completely incapcitated for most of the Reno race. He is disticntly qualified as a functioning acoholic with a taste for rare and exotic boozes. A bottle of snake wine complete with a fully grown cobra in the bottle is a good example. The Zaya was good but it's time to up the ante.

Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for cruel and vindictive punishments dished out by deathly pale hungover judges thorwing up in garbage cans.

The Sharks
Home of the E28 Turbo Tuner Fish and the Hammered Head 944 Turbo

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  • From: Austin, TX
  • Registered: 2009-05-01
  • Posts: 7

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3491/3313211308_4f1deda030.jpg
Do it right!  Most importantly, knowing your judges' favorite bottles!

Dirty Some Beaches // Lemoncello Racing // Blue Oval Cult Racing
  • From: Davis, Ca
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 1,843

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

It is the duty of the inspectors to remove loose objects from the car, and we get the car before the BS judges... So if you want the alco-bribe to make it to the judges it had better be retained buy race-quality hardware.....   Inspectors drink too!

Gosh, my business card says 'Tech Tyrant'
  • From: Land Of Subarus, Colorado
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 9,416

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

Remember, folks: no goddamn Boone's Farm!

Murilee Martin aka Judge Phil on Facebook
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  • From: Los Fucking Angeles
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 1,032

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

whoapower wrote:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3491/331 … eda030.jpg
Do it right!  Most importantly, knowing your judges' favorite bottles!

THAT'S what you consider "doing it right?"

Wow... I don't even know where to start.

"This is the scene where I get shot," Bronson said. "I have these little squibs that explode to make it look like bullets are hitting." "Fascinating," said Bergman. "I never knew how they did that." "You mean," asked Bronson, "you don't use machine guns in your movies?"
  • From: Land Of Subarus, Colorado
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 9,416

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

Absinthe would be a good bribe.

Murilee Martin aka Judge Phil on Facebook
Murilee Martin on Twitter
Judge Phil's Lemons posts on Car and Driver
MurileeMartin.com

Judge Phil's Website

11 Reply by theallpowerfulme (edited by theallpowerfulme 2009-05-01 07:24 PM)

  • From: Knoxville, TN
  • Registered: 2009-05-01
  • Posts: 76

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

MurileeMartin wrote:

Remember, folks: no goddamn Boone's Farm!

Then how would you have a boone's farm challenge? Drink half the bottle, run to distant object and back (preferrably with one way being uphill), and down the remaining half. Championship times are in the low 2min range (for destination distances of about two blocks).

theallpowerfulme's Website

  • From: Los Fucking Angeles
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 1,032

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

theallpowerfulme wrote:
MurileeMartin wrote:

Remember, folks: no goddamn Boone's Farm!

Then how would you have a boone's farm challenge? Drink half the bottle, run to distant object and back (preferrably with one way being uphill), and down the remaining half. Championship times are in the low 2min range (for destination distances of about two blocks).

At CMP, bad booze was poured all over engines.

At Reno, bad booze will result in laps.

Judges = Snobs. Booze snobs.

"This is the scene where I get shot," Bronson said. "I have these little squibs that explode to make it look like bullets are hitting." "Fascinating," said Bergman. "I never knew how they did that." "You mean," asked Bronson, "you don't use machine guns in your movies?"
  • From: Knoxville, TN
  • Registered: 2009-05-01
  • Posts: 76

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

Judge Jonny wrote:

At CMP, bad booze was poured all over engines.

At Reno, bad booze will result in laps.

Judges = Snobs. Booze snobs.

Fair enough, at New Orleans... ye shall receive good booze. Straight from the distillery no less!

theallpowerfulme's Website

  • From: Land Of Subarus, Colorado
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 9,416

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

By "distillery" do you mean "my cousin's shack in the swamp?"

Murilee Martin aka Judge Phil on Facebook
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  • From: Los Fucking Angeles
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 1,032

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

MurileeMartin wrote:

By "distillery" do you mean "my cousin's shack in the swamp?"

He'd better

"This is the scene where I get shot," Bronson said. "I have these little squibs that explode to make it look like bullets are hitting." "Fascinating," said Bergman. "I never knew how they did that." "You mean," asked Bronson, "you don't use machine guns in your movies?"
  • From: Life's great in 21158
  • Registered: 2009-05-01
  • Posts: 3,352

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

Is there going to be a "Best Moonshine" award at the New Orleans race? 

I display that trophy proudly upon my desk at work, much to the chagrin of the "proper" Baptists. 

A tip: anything that can be procured in a 12 ounce aluminum cylinder will likely get poured over your engine come BS inspection.  And fetch you laps.  Oh Lord, will it fetch you laps.  Make sure your 'shine doesn't give Jake Leg, and your beer is German, or, at least, British.

Tunachuckers: 13 Years of Sucking at Sucking
2008- 2010:  1966 Volvo 122, "Charlie"
2010-conversion into Plymford:  1975 Ford LTD Landau...doesn't have a name?
2018:  1950 "Plymford".  Organizer's Choice - CMP Fall 2018 Hurricane Florence reschedule

mechimike's Website

  • From: Los Fucking Angeles
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 1,032

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

mechimike wrote:

Is there going to be a "Best Moonshine" award at the New Orleans race? 

I display that trophy proudly upon my desk at work, much to the chagrin of the "proper" Baptists. 

A tip: anything that can be procured in a 12 ounce aluminum cylinder will likely get poured over your engine come BS inspection.  And fetch you laps.  Oh Lord, will it fetch you laps.  Make sure your 'shine doesn't give Jake Leg, and your beer is German, or, at least, British.

British and German beer will be heavily scrutinized. Basically, anything in green or clear bottles will get you laps.

American or Belgian are your best bets

Do they do Moonshine in Louisiana?

I'm thinking best "Absinthe" trophy, or "Wife's Rack"

"This is the scene where I get shot," Bronson said. "I have these little squibs that explode to make it look like bullets are hitting." "Fascinating," said Bergman. "I never knew how they did that." "You mean," asked Bronson, "you don't use machine guns in your movies?"
  • From: Va Beach
  • Registered: 2009-05-01
  • Posts: 67

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

Patron seemed to work!

...and they did not share

-Mike
Junk Works Racing Team Captain
Lemons South Spring '09 SR-71 BlackBird Finisher
Southern Discomfort '10 E-30ata 4th place
  • From: Land Of Subarus, Colorado
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 9,416

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

We didn't share 500 laps with your cheatin' Miata!

Murilee Martin aka Judge Phil on Facebook
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Judge Phil's Lemons posts on Car and Driver
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  • From: Life's great in 21158
  • Registered: 2009-05-01
  • Posts: 3,352

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

"British and German beer will be heavily scrutinized. Basically, anything in green or clear bottles will get you laps.

American or Belgian are your best bets"

Really?  Well, it should go without saying that bribery beer must be in a brown bottle.  Clear and Green are purely marketting gimmicks- neither provides much protection from UV rays that create skankiness.  I was thinking along the lines of Warsteiner (German) or Bass (British).  Those would be the bare minimum quality I'd consider bribe-worthy. 

American Microbrews are a good choice.  I'm a fan of Harpoon myself.  Their Raspberry UFO is one of the few fruit-infused beers I find enjoyable. 

And you can never go wrong with a Lambic. 

Absinthe is legal now in the states.  I 'spect you'll be getting some soon....

Tunachuckers: 13 Years of Sucking at Sucking
2008- 2010:  1966 Volvo 122, "Charlie"
2010-conversion into Plymford:  1975 Ford LTD Landau...doesn't have a name?
2018:  1950 "Plymford".  Organizer's Choice - CMP Fall 2018 Hurricane Florence reschedule

mechimike's Website

  • From: Los Fucking Angeles
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 1,032

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

mechimike wrote:

Absinthe is legal now in the states.  I 'spect you'll be getting some soon....

Us Elite, Communist, Double-Gay Effete California beer snob type judges also appreciate locality.

As in, you New Orleans slobs best be keeping us pumped full of Abita.

I'm a Turbo Dog man myself.

"This is the scene where I get shot," Bronson said. "I have these little squibs that explode to make it look like bullets are hitting." "Fascinating," said Bergman. "I never knew how they did that." "You mean," asked Bronson, "you don't use machine guns in your movies?"
  • Mulry
  • Mulry
  • Ayatollah of Rock-n-Rollah
  • Offline
  • From: Dallas, TX
  • Registered: 2009-05-01
  • Posts: 4,606

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

Abita makes several other beers that put TurboDog to shame, but most of them don't make it far from home. If you get in early they have a pretty good brewery tour.

Pat Mulry, TARP Racing #67

Mandatory disclaimer: all opinions expressed are mine alone & not those of 24HOL, its mgmt, sponsors, etc.
  • Serj
  • Serj
  • Lemons Staff Stalker
  • Offline
  • From: Cincinnati, OH
  • Registered: 2009-05-02
  • Posts: 1,601

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

my uncle is the head of marketing for a microbrewery in orlando, I'd love to drop a huge crate of the stuff in our trunk for you guys smile

  • From: Columbia, South Cackalacke
  • Registered: 2009-05-02
  • Posts: 602

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

Sheesh. We had to make y'all LOOK for the two bottles at Lemons South. :-/ I guess we have to look a little more, er, cheaterish next time.

Philosophy of life: old age and treachery will ALWAYS overcome youth, enthusiasm and cash. General smartass know it all beer swilling ne'er do well. Avoid eye contact with this person, best avoided completely. 2008 Animal House Racing CMP 'Most Likely To Leave In An Ambulance' 2009 Blind Rodent Racing CMP 2010 Team Galileo CMP 2011 Roundhouse Kick Racing CMP 2012 Road Kill Grill Racing CMP (x2)
  • From: Lost Angeles
  • Registered: 2009-04-30
  • Posts: 188

Re: One Bottle + Two Judges = Sadness

MurileeMartin wrote:

Absinthe would be a good bribe.

Way ahead of you. We have two bottles of the green fairy set aside for Reno. And its the real stuff with wormwood. Drink enough and you'll soon be running around naked and arguing with a tree.

The Sharks
Home of the E28 Turbo Tuner Fish and the Hammered Head 944 Turbo

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