Topic: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Since I never did even the most routine of maintenance on the sChITROEN prior to racing it at Sears Pointless and then Arsfreezeapalloza, I figured before I tried to drive it 2,600 miles to Florida and the season ender Inoffensive Warm Oatmeal extravaganza or whatever the heck it's called I should at least do a valve adjustment, maybe replace the wires, rotor and cap (since the original is cracked causing it to only run on 3 cylinders at Arse Freeze)  maybe put in a pertronix. I mean, heck, the residual was only $.05 after Sears Pointless and I didn't even change the oil in it for Arse Freeze, so it's fair to say I think I've got some budgetary wiggle room for those expenditures. Problem is I don't have any money to do more than that (although with only like 7:1 compression, it's BEGGING for a ghettocharging).

But I did buy a pertronix kit, rotor, and a cap prior to Sears Pointless, but I never picked up the cap and didn't take the time to install it before either race. No problem, install them now, right? Wrong. Pertronix is for the Ducelier distributer and I have the SEV Marchal distributer. Ok, rush order days before Christmas. Should arrive Friday (fingers crossed). Distributer cap that I paid for back in Feb/March? Uh,  I paid for it but didn't pick it up (because I left too late on the way to Sears for them to be open). And they weren't returning my calls. Search for alternatives and was zeroed at NAPA and CarQuest-- found a match online through Rock Auto for a whopping $6.19 for the cap and $3.12 for the rotor (why not get another, right?). Rush shipping was $33. And it might arrive on Friday (fingers and toes crossed). After I place that order I get a return call from the guys who have the cap I ordered back in March. So I should be able to pick that up tomorrow, at least. Maybe between the two I'll actually have one that works.

Anyway, that's not the crazy (dumb?) part. When I went to adjust the rockers I found that the pushrods on the exhaust side were bent:

So I braved removing the exhaust rockers on the unfamiliar engine, pulled the pushrods and made them straight again:

But, being as incompetent as I am, I accidentally clamped a spring washer in the rocker pedestal while reinstalling one of them and broke the rocker shaft support pedestal

I went through all sorts of LeMons-esque repairs in my head while I was forced to take a health break to recover from some undoubtedly sChITROËN-induced MRSA, I opted to put the call out to some LeMons-friendly Citroen folks for a replacement part. The first of 3 rocker pedestals arrived today in the mail so I excitedly went out to the garage after the family went to sleep and... discovered... it... was... not... identical... to... the... CRAP!

It is no fault of the helpful person who sent it to me-- apparently there are different head designs I guess and I don't speak French cars (J'm'appelle fromage?) . The one I needed had a double cradle on the intake rocker side (that the head bolts bolt down through) and the replacement only had 1 rocker shaft cradle, hence 1 hole for the head bolt (yes bolts, not studs). But I looked closely and they are identical except for that additional cradle on the intake side... Wait, I know!


Sure, I could have waited to see if any of the other promised rocker shaft pedestals showed up and were the one I needed, but there are no guarantees they will be correct and my time is running short for the other needed repairs-- I'm scheduled to depart Christmas Day/afternoon.

Did I mention that I had to fully loosen all of the head bolts on the intake side of the head? Yea, Um, well, ya see because these are aluminum heads and iron blocks, and the car has been sitting for 20 years prior to my purchase, the likelihood of some serious corrosion and eroding of the cylinder head is high from what I'm told. I was / am afraid that if I were to remove the head to replace the gasket I may not be able to successfully return it to a running condition in the timeframe I have and within the constraints of my own bank account. I thought by draining the coolant from the block, I may have some success and not need a gasket. I figured the risk of warping the head was better than not finding a complete cylinder head face after scraping the old head gasket off.  I'll find out I guess soon enough after firing it up and taking a test drive some time Christmas Eve or Morning. I may try to pick up a head gasket just in case, though. But those suckers are like $100.

So it's not like Tungsten weight added to a wristpin or that kind of crazy, but I still think it's a LeMons-worthy solution for an impending 2,600 mile + 24 hour drive.

The next thing to do while I'm awaiting parts is try to find a radiator that will fit. Apparrently, the stock downflow radiator won't even provide suitable engine cooling for an octogenarian driving to church on a cloudy November day... I shoulda taken that aluminum one that pendejo offered to me at Arse Freeze...

One thing I DONT have to sort out are turn signals. AJ came over tonight and put in a 3-way toggle switch that will allow me to have turn signals for my drive across so there are fewer reasons to pull me over and ask me why I use a screwdriver in the ignition switch. AJ re-wired the head and tail lamps prior to the drive to ArseFreeze. My Hero. If he'd have been able to get the wipers to work he would have achieved god status, but it wasn't so... RainX it is!

I'll update again with news of the next success/failure

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

I am praying that the ultimate conclusion to this story does not wind up with Spank being forced into a life of male prostitution on the outskirts of Albuquerque to pay for an obscure cork-based gasket to get the sChitroen back on the road...

Pat Mulry, TARP Racing #67

Mandatory disclaimer: all opinions expressed are mine alone & not those of 24HOL, its mgmt, sponsors, etc.

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

I think you deserve to win IOE if you can make it to the race.  Makes our story of unwittingly running the engine with no oil (twice) sound pretty mundane.  We're bringing an extra engine.

Looking forward to meeting you.

Our Lady of Perpetual Downforce

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Mulry wrote:

I am praying that the ultimate conclusion to this story does not wind up with Spank being forced into a life of male prostitution on the outskirts of Albuquerque to pay for an obscure cork-based gasket to get the sChitroen back on the road...

There is just as good a chance that he will be forced into the life of male prostitution on the outskirts of Albuquerque to pay for the obscure broken down care he found for sale out there that he wants to race next season.

Racing 4 Nickels - 1989 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera
2012 The Chubba Cheddar Enduro Class C winner
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Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

BoB wrote:
Mulry wrote:

I am praying that the ultimate conclusion to this story does not wind up with Spank being forced into a life of male prostitution on the outskirts of Albuquerque to pay for an obscure cork-based gasket to get the sChitroen back on the road...

There is just as good a chance that he will be forced into the life of male prostitution on the outskirts of Albuquerque to pay for the obscure broken down care he found for sale out there that he wants to race next season.

Jeff: "U-HAUL, this is Jeff speaking, how can I help you?"

Spank: "Yes, I'd like to know if you have a trailer hitch in stock for a Citroen SM"

Jeff: "Uh, dude wtf's a Citroen....."

Spank: "Never mind about I just use your welding gear for about 15 minutes instead?"


-=HFC Tom

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Spank - the wiper and track for a mini do not need to be anchored to anything except where the arm-gearbox mounts to the body...
The motor can be hose-clamped to just about anything - or even left to flop if the wires are long enough!
AND, if you cut it off so that you only use one wiper it might power an 11" or even 12" wiper across that greenhouse! (Actually I got one to move a single 15" all the way up to 75mph, where it stalled inline with the airflow.

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Spank, when do you think you'll be passing through Houston?

Yee-Haw 2010 "Most Heroic Fix" & "I Got Screwed" -2 trophies for 1 lap, but I took checkered on my lap.
Gator-O-Rama 2012 "Organizers Choice" -2 laps 1 trophy, but i still finished ahead of an E30
Yee-Haw 2013 No trophy -26 laps, I think I see a pattern here
Gator-O-Rama 2014 "Waiting for the Last Minute Call from the Governor Award" -who's counting? John

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Hoonatic Racing wrote:

Spank, when do you think you'll be passing through Houston?

You think he'll make it as far as Houston before someone from the office of public safety puts him on display as being Californian?

...I once got a "Wretton War-Nang" for "Un-Clane Lah-suns plats", about an hour west of Houston...
I was doing the speed limit and he had been on the other side of the highway, until I passed by.

Ain't no such thangs as better'n a Texas Girl, but hey, I'm not certain I can afford the Tats.

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Hmm, do a Google map of his route and mark it with Lemons teams that are along that route and able to lend a hand or a offer place to stay. The Opel GT folks did this a while back, even created a call list for road-bound Opelers in trouble.

10 (edited by Spank 2010-12-24 11:46 AM)

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Hoping for a Christmas Miracle!

If things go well, I'll depart by 4pm Saturday and I estimated (using 50mph average including stops for fuel but not for sleep) 30hrs of drive time to get to Houston. That would put me there (calculating in some sleep) around noon on Monday, stopping at midnight Monday between Mobile, AL and Tallahassee, FL. Hopefully meeting up with the family Tuesday afternoon in Kissimmee.   My family is flying out to Orlando/Kissimmee on Sunday so I hope to join them asap at our timeshare and so I can see my 3-year-old go to Disney.

Long answer to your question on hitching a ride on Wednesday, but I think it's not going to work for you unless you consider me a "Plan C" option, should I run into difficulties that delay me 2 days (which by that point I will probably have gotten a Uhaul or a bus ticket).

Pretty simple route: … F8&z=5

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Hell Google maps says you can do the whole trip in 39 hours! Maybe they need to add in a spot for max MPH for the calculation. Best of luck!

E=MC Hammered
E30, 302I (ME car)
Pintoghini with turbo 2.3L
Old Spice Crown Victoria

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

You want to earn brownie points with the judges? If you live anywhere near Spank's route, help him out!

13 (edited by Spank 2011-01-03 10:31 PM)

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

For those of you who emailed me phone numbers, many many thanks.

For anyone who is interested in checking up on me to see if I'm asleep at the wheel or maybe just somewhere in West Texas standing on the side of the road with a State Trooper wearing mirrored sunglasses saying, "Air Prance? What the--  Boy, lemme see [i[you[/i] prance," I'll leave my cell phone number up here (but will delete it once I arrive in Kissimmee).

I just finished my cooling "fix". Tough to find salvage yards open when I need them open, but I made due with 2 mini radiators and some fancy woodworking:

A bit of aluminum sheet, some HVAC tape, a staple gun, and some old wood paneling and I've got the push fan in and shrouded... I thought it was a push fan, but it was really a pull fan, so I had to figure out a way to still utilize it. (Yes, I know, I could just wire it backwards, but I tested it in place and it's much less forceful as a push fan and there was no room to mount it as a pull fan.)

I'm off to bed now for a couple of winks before everyone gets up for presents.

If all goes well, I should be pulling out about 4pm CA time (actually, all times estimated using CA time) and hope to make it to Tucson before stopping for a nap. Next long stop should put me in San Antonio at midnight Sunday, then somewhere between Mobile AL and Tallahassee Monday midnight (which would be like 3 local time, right?).

Again, figure I'm trying to average 50mph including stops for fuel and you can guess where I may be from that.

Oh, I did fire up the sChitroen for the first time since replacing the rocker post, adjusting the valves, regapping the points, retarding the timing closer to where it allegedly is supposed to be. The correct pertronix never arrived in time, but I did get a new cap, rotor and wires on it.

I'll post again tomorrow before departing just to confirm if I am able to head out. After that, I'll send Phil text/cell phone pic updates and if I'm really fortunate, I'll maybe shoot and upload some video snippets to share.

Merry Christmas!

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Spank  there are 2 big citroen groups on Yahoo if you need help they are a great bunch.

There is a group in TX..  the place is called French revolution?
and a group over in Orlando. that have parts and expertise.
Also Brad Naus in mechanicsberg PA carries parts.. I know its a little late  but info to have.

I also have a DS citroen parts car that was hit hard in the rear end. I will be leaving Thurs AM for the track.. If you need me to bring a part(S) let me know.

EuroTrash E30 - Lemons South 08 (cooling probs) 24th /CMP  Spring 09 (fuel tank damage) one day on track 69th /Lemons South 09 (Hit by an Escort) 27th
MSR Tx, 10 2oth, no issues other than rain. /CHump Homestead Miami 10- 2nd place.

15 (edited by jw33 2010-12-25 09:14 PM)

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

You are very brave......Any chance you are near the Dallas area I would gladly lend a hand/resources.

Shake and Bake
America, birthplace of the missionary position. You're welcome...

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Sorry for the long silence. I was supposed to leave today, but Holidays and car prep don't go too well together. I think I have it all done now, but need to catch some winks.

So, by my planned schedule, I'm 7-9 hours behind schedule. Still can arrive Tuesday night. Hopefully, the extra time I spend making a heater and getting the A/F ratio out of the 15-16:1 range and back down to 11.9-13.4 range will help me out in the long run. Going to catch some sleep and then depart early in the am.

Wish me continued luck..

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Got a text message from Spank a minute ago: "4k @ 70mph. climbed into mtns over 4k elevation gain in the rain no prob. Babying throttle because clutch slipped under uphill throttle test last night b4 departure"

TTAC post about the trip going live soon.

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

TTAC Story and some on-road photos from Spank.

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

BAD ASS!  Go spank go!

Bloomington, IN
We'll bring Beer!  Motorsports
Team Fiery Death! #0 2009 Lamest Day(65th), 2010 American Irony(24th), 2010 Detroit Bull(4th),2012 Capitol Offense (8th) 2012 American Irony (11 th), 2013 Capitol Offense (3rd) 2013 Chubba Chedder (4th, Judge Choice!) Now sadly part of a scrap pile. 
Toothless Racing Deadbeats #110 2011 Summit Point (61st) Currently being rebuilt into the new car!

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Spank will make it! He just passed the dunes and is almost to Yuma. Go man Go


Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Spank Made Arizona and is still cruising.

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Spank needs a clutch soon!!! is there anybody who can help. He is still going but it is getting worse. He is just east of Yuma heading to Tucson.


Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Truly amazing.

If the car makes it and does just one lap in the race, IOE is pretty well a lock!

Get there!!


TH 2009- 40th ~ SP 2010- 13th Class Bad win!! TH 2010- 17th ~TH 2010- 16th  SP 2011- 20th ~ RF 2011- 13th Least Horrible Yank Tank ~ TH 2011- 79th
SP 2011- 105th ~ SP 2012- 119th ~ SP 2013- 139th ~ BW 2013- 17th
Follow Filthy on Facebook: Flailing Lizard Motorsports

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

I am sure Jay already see's the potential in this and is probably already planning some kind of crap-can gumball rally involving cars leaving the east and west coasts at the same time, meeting in the middle, then continuing on to the opposite coast. All in cars incapable of breaking the speed limit, of course.

I hope someone out the word to the Citroen community and that they are mobilized to help Spank.

Re: Bat-sChIT(ROËN)-Crazy?

Call the TV stations along his route. A little local exposure could possibly help him find a clutch, or a tow. It would be fun if each town he passes through gives him a few seconds of air time, and maybe more than a few seconds once he gets to El Norte. Could help put a happy face back on the event as far as the El Norte complainers go.