Topic: Meet your 2015 Sears Point season-ender judges!
We're wrapping up the 2015 season with the usual rainy, spin-outty, endangered-species-flattening Sears Point Arse Freeze-a-Palooza this weekend, and Lemons HQ is importing an all-star trio of notorious judges to man the Lemons Supreme Court bench. In alphabetical order, here are the guys who will be making you do the German Dental Fetish Porn Penalty (yep, involving a "dentist" with a ball gag pulling one miscreant molar per black flag using a rusty needlenose pliers while Kraftwerk plays) in a few days:
Judge Eric Rood
Chicago-based Eric Rood came to our attention with his team's disturbing Richard Nixon Ford Escort theme back in the 2010 season, and since that time he has gone on to lower the property values of the automotive-journalism industry with his stuff on The Rusty Hub, Hooniverse, Hot Rod, and now Roadkill. I'm sure he has already cooked up a penalty even crueler than the German Dental Fetish Porn Penalty, so don't spin out when it starts to rain and the Alameda Whipsnakes slither through the water sluicing across The Line. If you want Judge Eric to think of your team in more favorable terms when your allegedly good driver does spin out, you'll want to offer him a generous bribe. I know he could use a factory shop manual for his Project Regretmobile 1979 Dodge Magnum race car, and Malaise Era accessories to slap on/it it would be nice as well.
Judge Phil Greden
I'm the one writing this post and you all know my story from reading all the gibberish I write online about cars and Lemons, so I feel confident that no further introductions are needed. My bribe needs are simple this time: bourbon. Somehow I've managed to consume my seemingly-bottomless stash of quality bribe bourbon (probably because I'm working only one race per month now) and so I will look favorably upon teams who provide me with a bottle of top-shelf stuff during the BS inspection. I'm coming from Denver, so I will laugh at your attempts to bribe me with California's markedly inferior cannabis products and toss that harsh bammer weed straight into the nearest dumpster.
Judge Steve McDaniel
Steve McDaniel has been racing in Lemons forever, attained notoriety by shepherding The Worst Car In Lemons History all over hell and being the only guy to make it run worth a damn, and now races and/or judges at every Lemons race he can possibly attend. I have no idea where he's coming from to get to Sears this time, but it's probably thousands of miles away and he's probably traveling in some exquisitely terrible vehicle with a top speed of around 49 mph. Steve offers no suggestions for his preferred bribes, but you can't go wrong with quality booze and road food.
