Help write the 24 Hours of Lemons Movie screenplay (Page 1 of 2)

Phil hears a rumbling, sputtering whine outside of his window, he rises to investigate

A yellow Checker Marathon is at the curb.

Phil opens up his toolbox and installs a Cadillac V-8-6-4 engine in the Checker.

As the opening credits flash across the screen, Big Lizard in my Backyard by The Dead Milkmen plays.

Funny you should mention that...

FYTY

Phil tosses back his glistening robe of justice, reaches for his spraycan, and prepares to pass judgement.

to pakistan.

Meanwhile in a town far away, Jay wearily opens his eyes and realizes he has spent another night on the floor in a room he doesn't recognize.

Lemons video game you say?

this was an early version of the carbeque sim I put together in GTR2. It drives but the physics were never perfect and there's a lack of things like interior, and good texture work, etc., I've kind of abandoned the project for lack of skillz.

At that moment, Jay collapsed as if in a trace. We cut to a dreamlike vision where Jay is floating over a race track. Below him he sees the same cars from the used car lot racing wheel to wheel as if the driver's very lives depended on it. From above a spirit floats down and smacks Jay so hard his hair falls out. Jay look up into the spirit's face and slowly realizes that it is none other than Dale Earnhardt Sr. Jay begins to weep and says "Taken too soon..."

DE: Enough of that crap son. I am here to guide you with your destiny.
JL: Are you an angel?
DE: Possibly. Or I could be that chalupa you found on the sidewalk last night.
JL: Oh my... I think it is coming up!
DE: No time for that now. Pull yourself together.
DE: See those cars below? I always wanted to do something like that. Get on the track with some broke down hoopties and "eliminate" them. Heh heh.

Jay suddenly understood and began to nod his head.

DE: But listen son, this is only one possible future for you. I have seen the other ones and this is the least worst one. Now go forth and get those Lemons on the track.

Jay began to squeal like a school girl.

JL: I know, I will call it "Chump Car"!

Dale frowns and does a classic Stooges move while saying "Woo, woo, woo" and slaps Jay on the nose.

DE: Son, did your mama not love you enough? Think of a name that involves cars that no one wants. Think of a yellow fruit that makes you pucker.
JL: You mean summer squash? That is what I want to do to the cars and I don't likes vegetables.

Dale looks bewildered and stares blankly at Jay. As he floats away he says

DE: It will come to you son. You can't be that much of a dim bulb.

With that Dale disappears. Cut back to the room where Jay is lying on the floor. He suddenly sits up with a wild look in his eyes and shouts at the top of his lungs - Lemons!

Fade out

A somewhat shellshocked Jay, looks at his watch, realizes he is already late for work.

"Aww shit! Old man Niedermeyer is gonna kill me if I'm late again!

hurriedly cleans the previous night's dirt and mucous off of himself with a wet nap he finds in his pocket and stumbles out of his house.

In front of his house (a delapidated clapboard rowhouse of the east Oakland variety) is a pseudo-rat-rodded Yugo. Jay slides across the hood Dukes of Hazard style and hops behind the driver's wheel as the left front fender falls off, and pulls away.

This is followed by a short driving sequence of Jay and the Yugo-rod skittering happlessly through the streets of industrial Oakland. Bits of Balkan Auto detritous can be seen ejecting themselves onto the street at every hard turn and bump. And sparks, lots of sparks from god-knows-what dragging on the pavement.

Jay pulls into the parking lot of Gentleman Fancypants Racing Magazine. As he gets out of the Yugo, the rear suspension finally collapses totally in a cloud of rust.

It is immediately clear that Jay is a bottom rung gopher/copyboy at this very posh and high end periodical.

He staggers into the lobby where the receptionist (Heidi Klum) gives him a surprisingly warm smile, "Jay, Mr. Niedermeyer is looking for you and he doesn't look happy."

"oh man, not again. I'm telling you, I'm gonna do great things some day. Great things!"

She smiles again saying, "Until then, when are you gonna take me out to Happy Hour?"

A beffudled Jay looks at her and says, "Huh?"

He shuffles down the hallway to the entrance of a large office marked, Douglas C Niedermeyer, Editor-in-Chief and Publisher.

Sitting behind a large fancy desk is Mr Niedermeyer (Mark Metcalf), with a snear he says,"Lamm! Look at you, straighten that shirt, man! You are wortheless and weak, now go get me coffe!"

(Been a sloooow day at the office today)