Topic: Alternate Title: California has the worst drivers
1st Draft Title: WHAT IN THE FUCKING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!???!!!
521.... 521 motherfucking black flags. That's how me, Judge Murilee, Judge Ed, John Pagel and Jay got to spend our weeked. Dealing with a never ending trail of whiny, "innocent," "I-didn't-do-it" chuckleheads.
Previous record number of black flags, also set in California (Buttonwillow) where the drivers are the worst: 316. That's 205 MORE blackflags with like twenty more cars on the track. And half of the cars were blown the hell up this weekend.
Time I got to spend watching the race and NOT screaming at whining, confused liars? Nine minutes. Total.
Every car got a black flag save for one. That's fucking INSANE!!!
And the [second] best part -- and I think this exemplifies the entire weekend -- I pull one recidivist out of his car. Reason? Contact. He starts in with the usual series of lies, half-truths and greasy bullshit. It wasn't me, I didn't make contact with anyone, you got the wrong guy, etc. Then, super-cheaty, hyper aggressive Maxima (you know, the one that just somehow accidentally came with adjustable coilovers) pulls in and driver #1 runs up screaming "YOU RAN INTO ME!!" at the Maxima driver.
The actual best part? We actually had 50 more (FIFTY!!!!) black flags called in on Saturday, but we ran out of time before we could haul the guilty in (i.e. ALL OF YOU) and properly mete out punishments.
Meaning you jerks actually racked up 571 black flags in two days, which has to be some sort of world, shitty-driving record.
Well done, dicks.
Oh, and BEFORE you start whining about bad flagging, the teams that finished in the top five/teams that only collected one black flag all walked up to us unsolicited and complimented us on how professional the flagging was this weekend.
So, cram it with walnuts.
Love,
-Judge Jonny-