1 Topic by philikon (edited by philikon 2017-01-11 10:56 PM)

  • From: San Francisco, CA
  • Registered: 2012-03-07
  • Posts: 307

Topic: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

There is one car that has more racing pedigree than any other car out there. It has existed for nearly 50 years and for the first 30 of those, it didn't change much at all. The suspension is old-fashioned. The engine is in the wrong place and is missing a fluid.

But yet it has competed and still competes in amateur club racing, professional endurance races, hill climbs, and full-on rallies. It has won thousands of races. And it keeps winning races and probably will still be winning races when the earth's crust has been completely turned into CO2 and heat, being pushed across the finish line from behind.


Much debated, much loved, much hated -- it is undeniable that it is the sports car yardstick.


But, and this is a big butt (yes), its biggest challenge lays yet ahead of it [1], namely competing in The 24 Hours of Lemons. This needs to be fixed. It needs to be proven to the world that once and for all, the Porsche 911 is the greatest sports car. In the world.

And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the contender:
















https://scontent.fsnc1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/1463980_505518609556034_907353997_n.jpg?oh=457528ad1e7d5aacbad59245d9cc430d&oe=59146693


Let the hating begin! And follow us on Facebook!


[1] We're generously glossing over Team Generation Gap's cheaty attempt with a '71 specimen.

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  • From: Santa Clara, CA
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Harlequin 911!

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  • From: Land Of Subarus, Colorado
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

http://www.murileemartin.com/UG/LTXF13/327%20-%20UG%20-%2024%20Hours%20of%20LeMons%20MSR%202013.jpg

There's a 911 racing in Lemons now, though we've hammered it with many penalty laps due to lack of documentation/flaky story. It's still butt slow.

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  • From: Very Rainy Washington State
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Cheaturz!!!

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  • From: San Francisco, CA
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Judge Phil wrote:

There's a 911 racing in Lemons now, though we've hammered it with many penalty laps due to lack of documentation/flaky story. It's still butt slow.

Yeah, hence my footnote.

Our documentation is written ... on the car itself, really.

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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

You're gonna suck.... Awesome idea!!!!!!

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  • Type44
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

nothing raises the $500 car my ass crowd like a 911. Good show, although I can't see where you can get one in budget, although yours does look appropriately bent, folded, spindled, and mutilated to qualify. Good show!

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  • From: Land Of Subarus, Colorado
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

The $500 My Ass crowd also feels that you can't get a Jaguar XJ-S for under $25,000.

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  • Registered: 2011-10-14
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

philikon wrote:

There is one car that has more racing pedigree than any other car out there. It has existed for nearly 50 years and for the first 30 of those, it didn't change much at all. The suspension is old-fashioned. The engine is in the wrong place and is missing a fluid.

Needs a Japanese Malaise era diesel and an automatic...Ford Escort diesel transaxle would be perfect.

The howls from "The Club" will be EPIC!

  • Registered: 2013-11-11
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Am I the only one that was thinking of the bug while he was describing the car.....hasn't changed for 50 years.....old fashioned, engine in wrong place...missing a fluid, competes in rallies.....

  • From: Westfield Ma
  • Registered: 2012-10-29
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Best of luck...anything with a Porsche crest is worth 5x as much just because of the badge.

  • From: Milford, NJ
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Ripe for a VW beetle theme.

The Roto-Racer '89 Merkur:  If it ain't rusting, It ain't racing.

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  • From: Craphole, NJ
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Fiero Iron Duke swap!

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  • FJ40Jim
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Drdanteiii wrote:

Ripe for a VW beetle theme.

Yes, I've always called the 911 a "superbeetle".
The  930 is a "superduperbeetle".

Makes purists all foamy in the jowls. smile

Jim C.
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  • From: Land Of Subarus, Colorado
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

I keep forgetting what engine this thing is getting. I recall the Corvair being rejected because it turns the wrong direction.

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  • From: Milford, NJ
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Judge Phil wrote:

I keep forgetting what engine this thing is getting. I recall the Corvair being rejected because it turns the wrong direction.

sounds perfect.


a backwards front engined rear steer corvair powered 911 with a "Herbie Goes to Hell" theme.

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  • From: San Francisco, CA
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Type44 wrote:

nothing raises the $500 car my ass crowd like a 911.

Yes. Also, nothing raises an eyebrow among Porsche purists like The 24 Hours of Lemons. It's the perfect car for pissing people off. I can't wait.

Good show, although I can't see where you can get one in budget

Well, you start with one that's fairly hopeless like this one. Then sell off engine and transmission, wiring harness, interior, glass, door handles, etc. I sold the fricken horn butten fachrisakes! When you have a car where front wheel bearing dust caps cost $50 new, it turns out you can make a lot of money back.

although yours does look appropriately bent, folded, spindled, and mutilated to qualify. Good show!

Evil John mumbled something about the futility of putting a cage into a car that's been rolled already. Yeah, good show.

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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

OnkelUdo wrote:

Needs a Japanese Malaise era diesel and an automatic...Ford Escort diesel transaxle would be perfect.

Haha, yeah! We're considering a bunch of different and butt turrible options. I would've loved to have seen a Corvair motor like Judge Phil, but making it work in a VW/Porsche set up -- while possible and with precedent -- is a bit of a pain. The motors spin the wrong way, so you either need to get reverser cams. Or you transplant the Corvair's Powerglide as well, but then you somehow have to convert your 911 to swingaxle (lol) which is a plan without fail.

We were strongly considering Diesel as well. My favourite option would've been the 90s era VW TDI (Porsche 911. Turbo. Diesel.), but try to find a sucker within budget! Not to mention getting spares. (Tangent: has anybody ever run a TDI in Lemons?)

I think we've found a motor (if that's the word) that's turrible/awesome enough and still within budget. Watch the Facebook page for updates!

The howls from "The Club" will be EPIC!

Oh, I sincerely hope so.

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  • From: Frisco, Texas
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

wizard0ne0 wrote:

Am I the only one that was thinking of the bug while he was describing the car.....hasn't changed for 50 years.....old fashioned, engine in wrong place...missing a fluid, competes in rallies.....

Ha! I thought it was the bug too.

I'm totally unimpressed with running a Porsche in Lemons. Its SUPPOSED to be fast. Its like this: On the street, you run some souped up hooptie and race a Corvette. If the corvette wins NOBODY is impressed because its SUPPOSED to win. You get accolades for winning in the souped up Hooptie. Likewise, you win Lemons in a 3 series BMW, or Miata, or even a Neon - so what? They are good race cars to start with and are all over in the SCCA fields. You make that Crown vic,  Subaru xt or any Malaise era GM run up front? - THAT is what impresses me, and what the "Spirit of Lemons" if there is such a thing means to me. If we can ever pull it together to win in our LS barge, I think I'm going for a prius next!

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20 Reply by philikon (edited by philikon 2013-11-14 09:59 AM)

  • From: San Francisco, CA
  • Registered: 2012-03-07
  • Posts: 307

Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

FJ40Jim wrote:
Drdanteiii wrote:

Ripe for a VW beetle theme.

Yes, I've always called the 911 a "superbeetle".

We already have a Super Beetle. I'm actually not entirely sure yet whether the 911 will be a step up or down from that.

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  • From: San Francisco, CA
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Spinnetti wrote:

I'm totally unimpressed with running a Porsche in Lemons. Its SUPPOSED to be fast.

But yet they aren't.

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  • From: Westfield Ma
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

LS3 truck lump in it with powered by E85.

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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

philikon wrote:

We were strongly considering Diesel as well. My favourite option would've been the 90s era VW TDI (Porsche 911. Turbo. Diesel.), but try to find a sucker within budget! Not to mention getting spares. (Tangent: has anybody ever run a TDI in Lemons?)

Looking for a budget TDI? Talk to tSoG.

Some of the Focke Ewe guys (F40Jim, I believe, is related to the team somehow) debuted a TDI swap in a Mk. 2 Golf this year. Maybe it was a Mk. 3. And maybe F40Jim wasn't involved.

Anyway, someone did it this year, but it'd be amazing in a Porsche.

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  • From: Birdsboro, PA
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

I think Spank would sell you some Olds 350 diesels for cheap, it would certainly be better in a 911 than in a Corvette.

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  • From: Romeoville, IL
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Re: Total and utter domination, coming to a racetrack near you in 2014

Clearly, this is the only choice.
http://images.gtcarlot.com/customgallery/engine/70338333.jpg

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