Please explain to me how to cheat. (Page 1 of 2)

not sure what you mean by "can i keep the car?"  it's yours.  there is a claiming rule but it's only been used once, and at the team's request, i believe.

unless you are more than one of the following:
-hella cheater
-rude in the pits
-rude on track

you are most likely safe* from the curse.  if you're running a V12 Jag, i would say you are almost definitely safe* unless you guys are incredibly misbehaved on track.

BTW, no one buys your "if i know how to cheat that's what i won't do" business.  riiiiiight. 

anyway:  here's a handy guide:

http://jalopnik.com/400309/what-would-s … ge-murilee

*No warranty express or implied.  Your mileage may vary.  All predictions and advice guaranteed correct, or they are free.

and don't take the lazy way out by leaving a cooler of "free" Natty Light in your paddock space when you leave for the night.

I said good beer for a reason....Natty Light?!?  really?  ewwww

Back in the 1950's there was a guy who took an old hotrodded car called old Yellar.  It gave the fancy Ferrarri's, Maserati's, Jaguar's, etc fits often beating them. In  car few even thought  should be allowed..  (probably the original low dollar racer)
  His "secret" was to simply do what was effective not the lastest thing..
   When I started racing back in the 1960's I took a junk Jaguar and raced with the high dollar factory teams very effectively..
In racing there is too much of the stuff that's expensive, looks cool but only saves a 10th of a second a season.  Usually there is a lot of lost potential.
  As for behavior,  Like most people I'm a tad bit shy untill I'm comfortable.  However I sure like to have fun both on and off the track..  So I tend to stick out my hand and introduce myself,, help anybody who needs it.  Lend, give parts if they help and in general try to be a nice guy..     Conduct on the track is careful untill I know you or am comfortable with dicing with you.  Once I get to that point then we'll go at it to whatever level you are willing to go to..
I'm proud of the fact that in over 40 years of racing the only fender scrape I've had (other than rolling it out of the trailer or in the garage) occured when a throttle stuck wide open on the cool off lap.. While they towed my car in it was because I was afraid it might happen again, not because of the minor damage done..

Max Balchowsky, I think. A close friend of mine raced against him a few times back in the day. As I recall, he had WW2 surplus Japanese army helmets welded  into front brake scoops. Probably the original LeMon...

If you're gonna cheat, make it something interesting, crazy, and unreliable or uncompetitive. Like a Cummins diesel stuffed into an S-10, or a turbine-powered MG. Homebrew turbo setups on motorcycle engines chain-driving a gear on the rear axle are always good.

Crazy and Unreliable I have down cold..
British and 12 pistons to vacate a block!
   I have been looking at the manifolds and noticing just how simple it would be to put 4 little turbos in place..  One for each exhaust manifold..
For fuel enrichment I could simply use the cold start injectors as a supliment kicked on when say 2 PSI of boost was reached?  V12's are getting between 2-3 MPG so a turbo'd one could decrease that  to 1-2 MPG?
Let's see a turbo'd V12,
    What can possibly go wrong? 
I'm just glad there is no sanity claus in the club..

And with that, our work here is done.  You are no longer a Lemons newb.  You get it.

(actually, I think you got it before you even showed up here)

After your first race, photocopy your comp membership card and race patch and include it with your tax return. That should do it.

Only 1 car ever has been claimed by Jay....& not many cars get crushed anymore....

Of course the other racers decide who gets crushed...so if your team behaves on track and follow the "don't be a d!ck" rule...you should be fine....

Bring a cool car with a good theme...British with a British engine is a plus....since its just far to easy to drop an 302 or 350 in about anything and be fast.....  Want a "faster" British car..ghettocharge it....chances are the judges will be so busy laughing and betting each other the number of seconds it will run on track you'll slide through BS pretty easy...

You have to prove the money you spent before you go out on the track.  If you care more about ridiculousness than winning, do it and the worst you'll get for ghetto charging (assuming it isn't dangerous)?  Penalty laps.  And, you might have it sitting for free but you have to attach some modicum of reasonable price to the car.  It's British, so you're not talking about much.   

It gets better.  If you blow one engine up, and swap in a new engine you'll actually stand a chance for getting an AWARD.  And they'll probably watch intently for the second engine to go. 

You're lucky and don't have to pay a premium for insane propositions, that usually makes it easier for you.

I'll sell you a Jaguar 4.2 straight-six with a blown head gasket dirt cheap. You could spend as much as you want ghettocharging it and probably not get any laps. It only got up to 140*C (BTW, what's that in Fahrenheit?)