- mechimike
- Lemons Staff Stalker
- Offline
Re: Math proves bacon is a miracle food
The reviews for "Late-Night Bacon" on the food network (link below) are worth the click-through from the article.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rach … index.html
Tunachuckers: 15 Years of Effluency
'08 - '10: 1966 Volvo 122, "Charlie"
'10 - '18: 1975 Ford LTD Landau --> 2018 - current: Converted into 1950 "Plymford"
'22 - current: 1967 Volvo 122, "Charlie ]["
'08 - '10: 1966 Volvo 122, "Charlie"
'10 - '18: 1975 Ford LTD Landau --> 2018 - current: Converted into 1950 "Plymford"
'22 - current: 1967 Volvo 122, "Charlie ]["
- mechimike
- Lemons Staff Stalker
- Offline
Re: Math proves bacon is a miracle food
One of the better reviews:
Do not attempt this recipe too soon! This was my mistake, and it cost me dearly. It was long ago, before you were born. Sit down, and I will tell you. I was just a lad when the world was fresh and new, and late night was nothing to worry about, or even consider. The morning stretched on before me like an endless bounty of excitement and adventure. I skipped and sang carefree songs; songs only a virgin soul could sing. I knew no pain or sorrow. Time has a habit of catching up with us all, and before I knew it, afternoon was upon me. It was hot, far too hot. The sun beat down upon me like waves of buffalo..buffalo determined to make me feel much, much too hot. I ceased my skipping and took shelter in the shade of a nearby tree. But lo, this was no ordinary tree. From the leaves I extracted the purest, most divine bacon imaginable. Bacon so fatty and delicious, this was truly the bacon of the Gods. I had never known temptation like this.
Imagine, if you would, the music of heaven and earth in pig flesh. How could I resist? I greedily picked the bacon from the tree, and set to work building a fire. I roasted the bacon in the afternoon sun, not knowing what was to come! Not knowing what evils lie ahead! I was young....too young. Foolish. It was much too soon. I...I lost everything that day. The unripe bacon, too young, far too young, went up in a black smoke. A spark landed on the tree, and it was immediately engulfed in a terrible fireball, so terrible that just viewing it from a distance, which of course I had ran to upon seeing my fragile shelter immolate, made me fall to my knees and weep. The bacon tree was gone. I had no more shelter, and the afternoon sun bore down like buffalo on me again. Only this time, there was nowhere for me to go. Nowhere to hide. And then, darkness.
Tunachuckers: 15 Years of Effluency
'08 - '10: 1966 Volvo 122, "Charlie"
'10 - '18: 1975 Ford LTD Landau --> 2018 - current: Converted into 1950 "Plymford"
'22 - current: 1967 Volvo 122, "Charlie ]["
'08 - '10: 1966 Volvo 122, "Charlie"
'10 - '18: 1975 Ford LTD Landau --> 2018 - current: Converted into 1950 "Plymford"
'22 - current: 1967 Volvo 122, "Charlie ]["
4 2013-10-17 08:41 PM (edited by USAF wench 2013-10-17 08:45 PM)
Re: Math proves bacon is a miracle food
Ok, this is my new favorite:
"Now I'm in trouble. I laid the strips out NOT overlapping but in a pattern that may or may not of looked like the shape of a pentagram. After the 2 minute mark a bacon portal had opened. Bacon tentacles reached through the microwave grabbing my arms trying to pull me in to the realm of Baconelzebub. I braced myself pulling against the savory bacon tentacles. Nothing on this planet, this realm could stop it. Or is there? Thinking on my feet I grabbed each tasty strip and began ripping apart and stuffing my mouth full of this... this bacon demon. As I was being pulled closer to the bacon portal I grabbed some english muffins to stack my cuttings into and to continue my feast. Suddenly a strange greasy bacon howl came from the portal and the tentacles receded back in to whatever bacon goodness it came from. Then the microwave *Dinged* and there sat my perfectly cooked "Late Night Bacon".
(I was just waiting for "cthulu fnaghn" to appear!)
Ex-USAF civilian, still a wench
- Sparky Pete
- Lemons Staff Stalker
- Offline
Re: Math proves bacon is a miracle food
MY. GOD.
That was riveting!!
USAF wench wrote:
Ok, this is my new favorite:
"Now I'm in trouble. I laid the strips out NOT overlapping but in a pattern that may or may not of looked like the shape of a pentagram. After the 2 minute mark a bacon portal had opened. Bacon tentacles reached through the microwave grabbing my arms trying to pull me in to the realm of Baconelzebub. I braced myself pulling against the savory bacon tentacles. Nothing on this planet, this realm could stop it. Or is there? Thinking on my feet I grabbed each tasty strip and began ripping apart and stuffing my mouth full of this... this bacon demon. As I was being pulled closer to the bacon portal I grabbed some english muffins to stack my cuttings into and to continue my feast. Suddenly a strange greasy bacon howl came from the portal and the tentacles receded back in to whatever bacon goodness it came from. Then the microwave *Dinged* and there sat my perfectly cooked "Late Night Bacon".
(I was just waiting for "cthulu fnaghn" to appear!)
"Real ZomBees prefer Bacon"
IOE(x2) MGB/SAAB 96, Judge's Choice, Class C Win, & 2011 Hooniverse Car of the Year!
MRolla, Stick Figure/Animal House, Free Range MR2, SAAB Sonett, "The Death Flip"
2008 Exoskeleton Jag Fiasco, Concours d Lemons - Rue Britannia, worse British car.
IOE(x2) MGB/SAAB 96, Judge's Choice, Class C Win, & 2011 Hooniverse Car of the Year!
MRolla, Stick Figure/Animal House, Free Range MR2, SAAB Sonett, "The Death Flip"
2008 Exoskeleton Jag Fiasco, Concours d Lemons - Rue Britannia, worse British car.
- mechimike
- Lemons Staff Stalker
- Offline
Re: Math proves bacon is a miracle food
That there are people capable of composing reviews like this is one of the few things on the internet that gives me Hope for the future of Mankind.
Tunachuckers: 15 Years of Effluency
'08 - '10: 1966 Volvo 122, "Charlie"
'10 - '18: 1975 Ford LTD Landau --> 2018 - current: Converted into 1950 "Plymford"
'22 - current: 1967 Volvo 122, "Charlie ]["
'08 - '10: 1966 Volvo 122, "Charlie"
'10 - '18: 1975 Ford LTD Landau --> 2018 - current: Converted into 1950 "Plymford"
'22 - current: 1967 Volvo 122, "Charlie ]["
- littleturquoiseb
- Ripened Lemon
- Offline
Re: Math proves bacon is a miracle food
mechimike wrote:
That there are people capable of composing reviews like this is one of the few things on the internet that gives me Hope for the future of Mankind.
NO NO NO ... Fuck no .... these are not simple internet comedy tricksters, these are paid writers from some third world off shore factory of lies, spreading the word for a higher power ... trying desperately to convince you they just want you to eat more bacon and haha aren't we cute ... meanwhile you are missing all the good things in life like family, freedom and pork roll.
You are being duped into a mono-pork future, blindly led like rats following the pied piper or some Bataan death march just to slide into hell on bacon grease slicked chutes. Please for the love of all things tasty, try to expand you horizons and your waist line with an alternate breakfast meat. Love the saltyness of bacon, try spam, its bacon's squarer brother! Ready for the big dog of taste, they there is a sausage in your future!
Join us the Coalition of Alternate Breakfast Meats as we fight the man with more Ham!
Read more here ... http://forums.24hoursoflemons.com/viewt … 10#p224810
Jeff
Three Pedal Mafia
Ombudsman - Coalition of Alternate Breakfast Meats
Three Pedal Mafia
Ombudsman - Coalition of Alternate Breakfast Meats
8 2013-10-23 05:25 AM (edited by ronman 2013-10-23 05:27 AM)
- ronman
- Lemons Staff Stalker
- Offline
Re: Math proves bacon is a miracle food
Back off, scrapple-boy. Many of us also enjoy that ham-by-any-other-name known as Canadian bacon, in addition to God's own food.
And I do believe I would kill a man if he tried to take my sausage away. Being of mixed Italian and English heritage (with a good bit of Polish in there along the line) I cannot abide people who do not partake in the myriad pleasures of the sausage. No homo.
Official photographer/Team Police Brutality|Speedycop & the Gang
Lackey-mechanic-whatever/NSF Racing
Sycophant/Judge Phil, Jay Lamm, Kim Harmon
Galaxie Driver/not Parnelli Jones
Lackey-mechanic-whatever/NSF Racing
Sycophant/Judge Phil, Jay Lamm, Kim Harmon
Galaxie Driver/not Parnelli Jones
- dculberson
- Lemons Staff Stalker
- Offline
Re: Math proves bacon is a miracle food
ronman wrote:
Back off, scrapple-boy. Many of us also enjoy that ham-by-any-other-name known as Canadian bacon, in addition to God's own food.
And I do believe I would kill a man if he tried to take my sausage away. Being of mixed Italian and English heritage (with a good bit of Polish in there along the line) I cannot abide people who do not partake in the myriad pleasures of the sausage. No homo.
No homo? Really? I don't mind a glass of homo to go with my sausage, especially if the sausage has maple syrup on it.
Quad4 CRX - Wartburg 311 - Civic Wagovan - Parnelli Jones Galaxie - LS400 - Lancia MR2 - Boat - Sentra - 56 Ford Victoria
Known Associate of 3pedal Mafia, Speedycop, and the Russians. Maybe even NSF.
Known Associate of 3pedal Mafia, Speedycop, and the Russians. Maybe even NSF.
10 2013-10-23 08:57 AM (edited by mechimike 2013-10-23 08:58 AM)
- mechimike
- Lemons Staff Stalker
- Offline
Re: Math proves bacon is a miracle food
Interesting that it's homogenized, but doesn't mention pasteurization.
You do know, if your milk isn't homo, you have to shake it.
Tunachuckers: 15 Years of Effluency
'08 - '10: 1966 Volvo 122, "Charlie"
'10 - '18: 1975 Ford LTD Landau --> 2018 - current: Converted into 1950 "Plymford"
'22 - current: 1967 Volvo 122, "Charlie ]["
'08 - '10: 1966 Volvo 122, "Charlie"
'10 - '18: 1975 Ford LTD Landau --> 2018 - current: Converted into 1950 "Plymford"
'22 - current: 1967 Volvo 122, "Charlie ]["