Here we go...........................

EXTREMELEY URGENT !!
Escape bulletin from the mechanical detention center
       
The usual suspects are on the loose !!!!!!!!!!!

  Dear sirs,
   
We need your  assistance in recapturing 4 inmates that have recently escaped from the State of Confusions Mechanical Detention Center in Kenosha Wis.   ( formerly AMC headquarters ). These inmates are armed with at least 3 hand tools  ( possibly more ) and should be considered extremely dangerous to ANY $ 500 cars they encounter.
  As I’m sure you are aware the Mechanical Detention Center is a state of the art facility that houses the most blatant  deviantly warped mechanical minds in the country  where we try to “rehabilitate “ them  ( yeah right………….these guys are pretty sick !! )
        We have rescued numerous select autos from the aftermath of hurricane Katrina and as part of their community service based  rehabilitory curriculum they are allowed to drain out the water and dead fish and then perform  concours  restorations on  these magnificent neglected classics . These include the AMC Pacer, Matador, and Gremlin models. The Renault Alliance ,LeCar and Fuego models, certain early model Saabs and anything manufactured in eastern Europe.( i.e. Yugos ) We then run the restored cars through Barrett-Jackson and the proceeds  ( if we ever actually SELL one of the restored cars) will go to charity  primarily the mentally disturbed mechanics fund
    In the accompanying file you will find dossiers on each of the individuals involved in the escape  and the vehicle that was commandeered from the prison motor pool for  their getaway.
  The escape was masterminded by one Bruce McCormick  also known as the “Prime Suspect “.  It was rumored that after infiltrating the penalty shed crew overnight and carefully observing the organizers methods He and some of His evil minions were the ones responsible for several Lemons cars “disappearing”  at the end of the Lamest Day @ Nelson Ledges  although reports  are sketchy and there are no eyewitness accounts.
   The acquisition of the getaway car for the prison break (a 94 Mazda MX-6 ) was facilitated by inmate Jay “duct tape “  Zimmerman,  motor pool trustee. Mr. Zimmerman received 12 cartons of cigarettes, 3 Hustler magazines and a gallon of raison jack for payment ( real world value $ 200 ,minus what was sold off of it  ) but after chugging the whole gallon of raison jack and realizing  He would be discovered as an  accomplice , decided to empty out the entire contents of the tool room, all the spare parts He could carry and go along with the others as they made their escape. It has also been reported that they acquired a wrecked 1993 Ford Probe “parts car” for a couple hundred dollars and violently stripped it of all usable components as more spares for the MX-6 using various implements of destruction .
               There is also evidence to support outside help but those accomplices will be named later . The latest intelligence reports indicate that the gang are probably going to apply for entry into the American Irony race @ Gingerman in April, and/or  to add insult to injury,  the “Capitol Offense “ race @ Summit Point in June   ( isn’t that appropriate !! )   
        They should be easy to spot since they will all be wearing their prison garb all weekend ,  their pit area would obviously be designated with crime scene tape, all their tools, spare parts and equipment will be designated  as “ evidence”   by  being stenciled with spray paint as such or having an “evidence“ tag affixed . Innocent bystanders will be warned with appropriate signage that a prison break is under way and they should only enter our pit area at their own peril.   These  perps have been known to use ANY means necessary to gain entry to races and slither through BS inspection including bribes of top shelf liquors, high end cigars , wine and cheese baskets and even spray paint and “ evidence “ stencils   ( like the judges would fall for any of that…………………)     further updates on gang personnel , progress on the getaway car and other foolishness may be found at the gangs website  which will be online shortly We know you will do the right thing and assist us in any way possible to recapture these sick pathetic el cheapo wannabe racers
   
Sincerely yours ,     Alfred E. Newman        acting chief : Mechanical Fugitive Recovery Agency