1 (edited by MZAVARIN 2021-12-25 03:58 PM)

Topic: Happy Holidays- Lemons

I saved these from previous years:


A VISIT FROM A GUY WHO LOOKS
SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE PHIL

'Twas the Sat. before Christmas, when signups were due,
For Lemons Sonoma, that cold-ass venue.
Chanukah was over, the menorah unlit,
No flaggers were stirring, nor one Tech eejit.
All the hoopties were idle, dismantled in sheds,
And the drivers they dawdl'd, and took to their beds.
But those apps were still due the 19th of December,
As spams bugged them again and again to remember.

When from the garage there arose such a ruckus,
That I sprang from the bed and cover'd my tuchas.
In the moonlight I saw my roof laden with clunkers,
And sought out the source of the noise 'midst those junkers,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a slammed-down Corona, grinding its gears.
With a bearded old driver so belchin' and fartin'
That I knew in an instant 'twas Murilee Martin.

More crappy than Chryslers, his hoopties they came,
As he whistl'd and shout'd and call'd them by name;
"Now Pinto, now Pacer, now C-Class and K-Car!
On Comet, on Cougar, on Tempo and LeCar!
Screw up the apex, deflower the K-wall!
Now, limp away, limp away, limp away all!"
Then clearing his throat, he went on at length,
Of Nixon and Hoxha and such men of strength.

His eyes were quite bloodshot, his beard somewhat grisl'd,
With fries on the console, in ketchup he'd drizzl'd.
He suggested Romanian cars I should buy,
And a three-banger two-stroke he hoped I would try.
"Build a Wartburg! A Zis! A Suzuki 360!
Or I'm sure a Trabant would race smoothly and swiftly!
Why not make me so proud with a force-fed Reatta?
Or by stuffing a flathead into a Miata?"

Having tempted me so to take on awful labors,
He laid down a patch and called out to the neighbors:
"The 19th of December, I'll say it again,
Is the last day to get your Sears Pointless apps in."
So I thought of that race, still a full nine weeks hence,
As I watched his Corona plow straight through the fence,
And I heard him exclaim, whilst expounding on Watergate,
"A Dacia or Lada would totally dominate."

AND

A VERY Lemons XMAS
In Which We're Reminded to Reg for the Desert Race by Saturday the 29th, with Apologies to Clement Moore and Charles Dickens.

'Twas the week before Xmas, the hoopties garaged,
The season was over, complaints all now lodged.
The Hanukkah candles were burned down to stubs,
And the broken-down crapcans all stripped to their hubs.
The racers they languished, in wrapups on phones,
While dreams of Real Racing™ appeared in their domes.
"If only," they howled, "t'was a race I could drive in.
Inde, I think, on a dry winter's weekend."

But back at HQ, the organizers still toiled
In a cold East Bay office, the floors stained with oil.
The Chief Perp at his desk like a low-budget Scrooge,
Ponders Willcox AZ, where heaps would soon splooge,
Fluids so greasy and grimy and viscous.
"Sign up for Inde the week after Christmas!?
They're busy! Forgetful! They'll never remember!
To turn in those apps before late December."

The Associate Perp warmed his hands like Bob Cratchit,
On a sputtering smallblock he'd fixed with a ratchet,
From a heap in a boneyard to heat the location.
He leapt at the mention of race registration.
"We'll send out reminders about Arizona,
That'll reach them inside of their ate-too-much comas.
We'll send out three emails, like Magi or Ghosts,
We'll hammer their feeds with the spammiest posts!"

So they hurriedly scribbled some Christmas-themed rhymes,
And hastily scheduled some publishing times,
To remind all the racers that they should apply,
By December 29, a date which is nigh.
If February next they're to go racing at Inde,
In a jankified hooptie that wasn't too spendy.
And to wish all of lemonsworld a hale Season's Greet,
And a 2019 that turns out Hella Sweet.




(And hopefully Jay will start doing his funny reminders for upcoming races again!!)

Cheers! (Egg Noggers!)
Happy Holidays to All, and best of luck (and health) for the upcoming year!
mz

MarioKart Driving School: 1987 Honda Prelude Opus #28  (still can't win anything...)
RIP: Oct. 25-26, 2014 (Loudon, NH) - June 8-9, 2019 (Millville, New Jersey; Lightening)
New and improved: 1987 Honda Prelude Opus #11 April 17-18, 2021 (Pittsburgh, PA)  --  ??

Re: Happy Holidays- Lemons

Wishing you all the happiest Of holidays, may 2022 be a good year at the track!

#289 1984 Corvette Z51 (the road goes on forever…)
#111 Tradewinds Tribesmen VW Passat Inde ‘20 (‘21 too)
Gone but not forgotten, #427-Hong Kong Cavaliers Benz S500: formerly known as OMG Racing #140
Other foolishness: Finisher of Hell on Wheels (Jaguar) IOE (Humber)

Re: Happy Holidays- Lemons

Wow, Mike those were awesome!!!

Re: Happy Holidays- Lemons

Awesome big_smile

https://www.facebook.com/greatglobsofoil/
This car....Is said to have a will of it's Own. Twisting its own body in rage...It accelerates on.
1978 Opel/Buick Isuzu(B) - IOE, C class, Incredible Feats in Badge Engineering; 1996 Ford Probe GT(B)