Wartburg Kibitzing Thread

Thanks, Stevo. Something tells me the Lemons guys aren't really all that interested in seeing the Wart restored and trailered to car shows. It needs to be the baddest car on the track, regardless of the threat of the dreaded Curse. Hmm, will the Mark VIII's DOHC 4.6 fit in that engine bay? Where the heck is the tape measure anyway? Ah, screw it, nothing my plasma cutter can't handle...

Jeff Bloch

This just in from the Wartburg's current owner:

"Because this Wartburg Contest seems to have taken on a life of its own, and because we realize our responsibility to deliver the goods, we have cleverly immobilized it with a Suzanne Sommers' Thigh Master [don't ask how] and it is being guarded around the clock by Krusty, the neighborhood neutered tomcat."

Nazi hookers would require a guy to play the role of Max Mosley. Or whichever one of those F1 idiots was caught shacking up.....

Hey.... We could have a Max Mosley wannabe context!

TEAM POLICE BRUTALITY has decided to become proactive in the quest for the affliction of the giant Wart. We have purchased a complete, low mileage 1980 Oldsmobole Toronado for the princely sum of $200. The FWD 350 V8 and automatic transaxle will tuck nicely into the rear of the Wartburg, and the uber-simple carbureted setup should create reliable Lemons power (*should* being the operative word). Now all we'll need is another reliable drivetrain for the front, in order to create the first twin-engined Lemons competitor. Hmm, where can I get such a drivetrain? Lemme think. Oh yeah! I've got several complete FWD GM's sitting in the backyard that run perfectly! Only tough call is choosing between the $200 Lumina (3100) and the free Lesabre (3800). Has there ever been a 14 cylinder race car in ANY series? I think not. Somebody let Guinness know, it's going in the record books.

No rolling chicane for us. We are gonna be INSANELY fast on the straights. 

Pics to come tomorrow night, when I tow the Toronado home.

The ladies have a plan. At this time, it does not involve multiple engines, but it could. We have already begun exploring suitable drivetrains, and have turned up several. Would you settle for the largest number of engine swaps? We will wear our best Polish Cougar outfits while performing the work. They are more, erm, accessible than the Nazi Hooker ones.

I guess I'm just stumped as to why you need a car given to you.  You seem to have plenty of  resources.   Money, equipment, time, experience.  Is there some particular reason that your plan is unworkable without a handout?  Excuse me, why your ACTION is unworkable without a free car and a judicial wink.

I'd just as soon the old guys with the bucket list got it over your humorless entry.  Unless "hold our own...eye ca." was intentionally funny.

I may not have my teammates and friends posting "give it to us", but as this is a contest, we do want to win. There's only one place I know of to get a free '58 Wartburg, and this is it. As we are hopelessly addicted to Lemons (4 races in our first year alone, with plans for many more next year), and we do in fact have the equipment and skills necessary to make it really friggin cool, we'd naturally want to make the most of it. The Toronado appeared on CL with an ideal engine setup to put in the rear of the Wartburg. I jumped on it for $200. If that makes me too wealthy to win a free car, I guess no Lemons competitor is worthy.

Please don't make this personal. It's a friendly competition. Besides, it would appear your team has greater resources and funding than I, my unemployed cousin, my broke lawn-mowing 20 y/o buddy, and his debt-laden dad possess:

Also, this is an essay contest, not a popularity contest, or a who's-got-the-most-money/tools/experience /resources contest. Maybe my essay is nowhere near good enough, but it wasn't humorless:

I don't care who ya are, that's funny right there.

You ladies want the car? So do we. You claim the ability to make it competitive? So do we. This contest is all in good fun, just like the race itself. Let's keep it that way, shall we?
To reiterate the Rodney King quote on the hood of our Lincoln, "Can't we all just get along"?

Speedycop, now those last two comments are much better.  I wasn't referring to your original entry as humorless, only the tone of the comment on this thread that I quoted.  There was a very strong Charles Emerson Winchester III vibe. 

Personally, I'm glad it's not a popularity contest.  If it was, I'm fairly certain the son of Mr. Lam's fiance would have it in the bag.

Man, you guys are ruining my "Sisters of the Iron Curtain" vibe here.......

I fully support the idea of running a GM powertrain, but you guys sound like you are up for a bigger challenge than a Toronado swap.... if you win it, I want to see some copper-cooled power in there!! You know, for the sake of being challenged....